This Mama Needs a Break

Sometimes I hate being a mother.  Okay, hate is too strong of a word.

Sometimes I'm tired of being a mother.

There.

That's better.

I'm tired of doing the dishes and laundry and making dinner and planning dinner and grocery shopping and cleaning the house and waking up early and making lunches and taking them to school and entertaining the 3 year old and sweeping the floor and sweeping the floor and sweeping the floor.  How is it possible to sweep a floor as many times in a day that I do and still find dirt?  My husband is great and is very helpful, but I'm just tired of it all.

Not that I'd change or trade it, I just need a break.  A pause button or to switch places with someone and live their childless life for a week or three.  Just long enough to rest, reset, and rejuvenate.  The idea of not having my family, or worse, something happening to them, makes me sick, but a break would be nice.

Being the mother of four is exhausting.  The first three are within three years then a three year break before number four.  They wear me out.  I often look at other moms and the fun activities they do with their kids and think, "I want to be that mom" but to be honest, I'm not that mom.  That's not the mom I grew up with so I really don't know how to be that mom or do I care to be.

Nothing against my mom.  She hated our situation.  Due to circumstances beyond their control, my parents were poor.  My dad was supposed to get the family business, but my grandpa sold it leaving my dad high and dry and in debt because his name was on the company accounts.  I was a newborn when this happened and with 3 more small children at home, he realized he had to get an education.  He went to a trade school that was 6 hours away.  When he was finished, he got a job working full-time, but when that wasn't enough to make ends meet, picked up a part-time job.  All the while my mom worked full-time.  I was raised by a neighbor up the street.  My mom hated it.  She told me once that when she first started dropping me off, I would cry.  She'd kiss me goodbye, get into her car, and cry all the way to work.  After awhile, I stopped crying when she'd drop me off.  She'd kiss me goodbye, get into her car, and cry all the way to work.  As soon as my parents were financially stable, she quit.  I was 12.  So I didn't have much of a crafty mom when I was a kid.  She was awesome with my kids, but unfortunately, that was short lived.

Is it bad to admit this?  I'm always afraid of being too honest.  That someone out there will take it out of context and think I'm a terrible mother.  I don't really care what they think of me, but there's that fear they'll call DCFS or something.  I love my kids and meet their emotional, physical, and mental well-being.  I'm just saying that I'm a person too and sometimes I need a break from them for my emotional, physical, and mental well-being. Tell me I'm not the only one.