Not a Blond

I was born with a head full of black hair.  I'm told that it wasn't long before it all fell out and grew in blond.  Looking through pictures of my childhood, I have light blond hair.  I imagine a lot of that had to do with spending my summers outside and at the local water park.  It wasn't until I was in high school that it started to look darker.  In my mind, though, I was still blond.  I spent years and years highlighting my hair because I'm a blond.  I'd spend 30 minutes blow drying my hair, straightening it, and making sure that it was perfect every single day.  I needed my blond hair perfect. 

About a year ago I started to feel uncomfortable in my own skin.  Who I saw in my mind didn't match who I saw in the mirror.  My perfect blond hair didn't match me anymore.  But I couldn't see the person in my mind so I didn't know how to make them match.  Out of laziness and humidity I stopped drying my hair everyday.  I started letting it air dry, but it bothered me that I couldn't get my wavy hair to be perfect, beach waves.  

A friend of mine has gone through a pretty big transformation over the last several years. As I've listened to her talk about where she was and how she got to where she is now, I realized that I'm on the same journey.  She's given me confidence in my messy waves and to accept that I don't have blond hair.

I took my first step last week and dyed my hair brown.  I intended to have it be light brown, but it turned out to be more medium/dark brown.  I quite like it though and all of a sudden, I feel more comfortable with how I look.  My eyes have become a focal point and I don't mind the messy waves.  In fact, I'm totally okay with them being big and messy.  I think that I was unintentionally suppressing my true self and accepting my natural hair has changed that.  I have a long way to go, but I'm happy to have at least found a way to start the process.