Okay, I take that back. There's been a lot that has happened in the last month and my mom wasn't there. My husband and I celebrated our wedding anniversary. We would've celebrated my parents anniversary too. My sister and I had a birthday and this time last year I was with my mom saying goodbye. Perhaps it was more than I realized.
I started exercising again which I know has helped. I learned several years ago how to control my depression and exercise is a huge part. I started over a year ago in preparation of my mom dying knowing how it would affect me. At the end of last year I accidentally took 3 months off. How do you accidentally take 3 months off you ask? I'm glad you asked. I was really busy one week with PTA stuff so I took a week off. The second week I had a lot of early morning obligations and catching up from the previous week. The third week I got sick which rolled into the fourth. The next thing I knew, it had been 3 months. I'm making it a priority again and it has helped. I also saw a picture of me and I didn't like the way I looked. I'm not overweight per se, but I'm not in shape. I have about 7-15 extra pounds from babies that I'd like to lose, depending on the week.
My brother-in-law was in town also. This will probably be a separate post to explain, but here it goes: I met my brother-in-law before I met his brother, my husband. We had (have) a lot in common and have the same interests. I wanted to date him, but he was already dating the woman he married. Several months later I met my husband and have been happily married to him for over a decade. My brother-in-law hasn't been so lucky. After over a decade of being unhappy, he and his wife are getting divorced. As I listened to him talk about his life, I found myself wondering how different his life would be if we would've gotten married instead. I think about this from time to time, how different my life would be if I would've married one of my ex boyfriends, but ultimately am grateful that I ended up with my husband. I'm very lucky to have him, he's an amazing man. It just made me sad that my brother-in-law wasn't as lucky.
There's so many thoughts and feelings swirling around inside me. When I try to sit down to type them up, I can't seem to find words. Even this post has no cohesiveness - it's just random pieces taken from my brain. Part of me wants to draft this too until I can piece it together the way I want to, but instead, I'm going to post it. Maybe going random will help chip away the block and I'll find the words again. Here's hoping.
